A Jealous Co-Worker.....

Below is a blog entry that my co-worker wrote about me a couple of days ago on her website. Just like Milton on Office Space, I was asked to move my desk to the other side of the office. I chose to move my desk into the cubicle next to this co-worker because I thought she was one of my friends...After reading her blog, I wonder if she is still my friend or just jealous of all my achievments? You judge for yourself. Here's her entry....

New Neighbor
by JR

The cube next to mine has been empty for eons but today at work I got a new neighbor. Ok- yeah I was jazzed at first, especially since half of the people I worked with got laid off a few months back. I thought "Great! Some new entertainment to help pass my crappy days."

As I walk to my desk this morning, I notice something different. Hmmmm....is there some type of large object propped between my desk and my new neighbor's? Nooooo. There are THREE objects on the partition between my desk and my neighbor's. What the f*** is it?

Oooohhhhh interesting. My new neighbor has strategically placed different service (and sport) awards to face MY desk. He must have placed the awards here (facing me) because he doesn't have enough room on his desk....or does he? I stood up slowly and peaked over the partition into his cube. Funny, there's plenty of room on his desk for awards. Could he just be rubbing these achievements in my face? Did he put these awards here to mock me day in and day out? I mean, come on buddy, of course I wish that I had won the MVP award in our fantasy football league last year. Isn't that every girl's dream?

Around 3:00 pm I notice something moving out of the corner of my eye, so I look up to see what's there. WTF?!?!? Is he shining his awards!!!!! Oh my God --he is shining each award with a special polishing kit!

He sees me looking at him and so he smiles. I smiled back but then heard him begining to laugh. Not just any laugh though, it was this Dr. Evil creepy (I think I am better than you because I have awards on my desk and you don't so in your face lady!) type laugh. Then he asks me "So Jessica, don't you have any achievements that you are proud of? I noticed that you don't have any awards or certificates at your desk."

I thought -OK that does it! This mickey fickey is goin' down!

He turned around to talk to another co-worker and I snatched all of his awards from the partition and put them in my computer bag. In your face Mr. Award Man! Well see who gets the last Dr. Evil laugh!

Procter & Gamble have done it again!!!!!

When I saw the commercial for the Old Spice Hair & Body Wash on TV, I immediately turned to Cari and begged her to pick it up for me on her next trip to the grocery store. She must have noticed how intense my plea was because she had it waiting for me the next day. Cari and the Old Spice Hair and Body Wash are the best!!!!!

For the past couple of weeks I have been cutting my shower time by like 3 minutes using this hair and body wash combo instead of two separate bottles. Those 3 extra minutes everyday have been unbelievable....Some of the various important tasks (not in any particular order) that have been accomplished in those 3 extra minutes before I have to run out of my apartment to catch the BART have included:

Eating a bowl of oatmeal
Doing 25 curls on each arm
Flossing
Staring out the window at this squirrel on the telephone pole
Turning the TV on to see what the score of the Warrior game was
Plugging in my cell phone to let it charge for 3 minutes
Writing down my grocery list for Cari
Opening my closet and admiring my stash of Lege-weizens
Taking a couple of practice cuts with my wiffleball bat in the living room
Eating an apple and watching myself chew it in the mirror
Packing a tuna sandwich for my lunch
Looking out my peep hole at my neighbors fighting outside
Practicing my jabs on the couch pillows
Picking out a book to read on BART

WARNING!!!!! All you 8 am people better watch out.......

I was told yesterday by my supervisor that I will have to stop working my beloved 6am- 2:30pm shift and now start working 8am- 5pm. What the F*@&?... NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! My once deserted, quiet, easy-going mornings to myself are now going to turn into PEDESTRIAN / COMMUTER HELL. No more not having to wait in line for a tea at Peete's. No more not having to stand next to a bum on BART that smells like ass and feet. No more feeling like I could scream "6 AM RULES!!!!" and have it echo throughout the empty streets of the Financial District. Now I must succumb to the hectic and over-crowded nightmare that comes with going to work at 8am. I feel like Frank Leone in the movie Lock Up- I don't deserve this shit. I shouldn't be here. Let me out.

With that being said, I would like to take this time to warn The New World that I am entering- I am not good with change, especially a sudden change like this. I will protect myself physically and emotionally by any means necessessary.

What the hell is Raul calling me?

Everyday when I jump on the Bart train to go to work, the BART station attendee, Raul, says "Hi" to me as I pass through the gates. I'm glad that him and I have become familiar enough with each other to say "Hi", but what concerns me about our greeting is that he always says "Hi" followed by a word that I can never quite understand. It sounds like he says "Hi, Meoh." That's "Meoh" as in the two words "Me" and "Oh". I have been trying to pay closer attention the past month to see if I could figure out exactly what he is calling me, but every time the "Meoh" comes out, it sounds distorted and I can't quite put my finger on it. I brainstormed some possibilities of what "Meoh" could be. Here's what I have come up with so far:

1. Maybe Raul is calling me "Meo" as in the Mexican equivalent to Neo from The Matrix. I have always thought of myself as "special" and there was that one time where Cari threw the remote control at me and I was easily able to duck out of the way- very much like the way that Neo ducked out of the way from all those bullets in the movie. The remote control just floated past me in the air and I was not only able to maneuver myself out of the way, but more impressively I was able to press "38" on the remote to change the TV back to ESPN as it flew past me. Maybe Raul is my Morpheus and he is just waiting for the right time to tell me that I am "The One"? Maybe one day, right there at the Bart station, he will confront me and in front of all the passengers we will have a 10 minute battle scene where he challenges my fighting skills and lets me know that he will be my guide through The MexTrix. Just in case, I will try and buy a black trench coat soon and practice my Keanu Reeves "Whoa..."

2. Maybe Raul is saying "Mijo" as in the abbreviated form of "Mi hijo" which means "My son" in Spanish. Could Raul be God and I'm like his son Jesus? Maybe he has noticed lately that I have been sacrificing a lot for everyone around me. Just the other day, when I was on the BART train, an elderly woman came hobbling onto the train and instead of doing the usual "pretending like I'm asleep so that I don't have to give up my seat", I decided to give up my seat and stand. Yes, my stop was the next stop, but anyone who knows me, knows how lazy I am and standing on my feet for even a minute is a sacrifice...Hmmmm... Maybe it's just a matter of time before Raul/God will ask me to make the Ultimate Sacrifice. When he does tell me that it's my time, I will ask all my readers to come with me to Chevy's and there, we will have "The Last Supper". I will pour some margaritas and break a tortilla as a symbol of my blood and body...Ok, a little overboard. I'll wait until Raul confronts me before I decide where the Last Supper will be.

3. Maybe Raul is a cannibal and is playing a sick and demented mind game with me by calling me "Meal" every time he sees me? I have been working out the past couple of months so maybe he has noticed some thickness in my arms and chest and is salivating over the chance to dig in. I must say too that if I was a cannibal, my huge head would look pretty appetizing. One might say that with all my knowledge and wisdom digging into my head would be like eating a Power Bar. If Raul is a cannibal and is planning on eating me for nutritional purposes, my best bet would be to watch a crapload of useless TV, drink as much beer as I can, and sleep all day to rid my body and mind of any useful nutrients that Raul could possibly use ...Oh..wait a minute...I already do all that....hmmmm.

Anyone else have any other possibilities of what "Meoh" could be?

CNN...You're Not Funny.....

Miss Deaf Texas struck by train, killed
Tuesday, March 14, 2006; Posted: 9:27 a.m. EST (14:27 GMT)

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) -- The reigning Miss Deaf Texas died after being struck by a train, officials said. Tara Rose McAvoy, 18, was walking Monday near railroad tracks when she was struck by a Union Pacific train, authorities said. A witness told Austin television station KTBC the train sounded its horn right up until the accident occurred.

At first, when I was reading this article I was cracking up because I thought I was reading The Onion. When I realized that I was on CNN.com, I stopped chuckling and immediately regretted forwarding the article to my co-workers. As punishment, I have decided that I will not write or make fun of the Handi's anymore. The last thing that I need right now is bad karma.

One thing I would like to say is that maybe someone needs to invent some sort of net or like a giant soft padded baseball glove that you put on front of a train that like catches you on impact. Sort of like how a tractor has that front shovel thing. (if that makes sense) I don't know. Im not a physisisisist, so i don't know about the damage the impact of a net can have on your body, but I think I would rather have this net/web/glove type thingy automatically sweep me up and carry me for a bit then to die. Sure I will probably be in another state by the time that the train stops, but at least I will not be smashed to death still in Modesto. I'm not an engineer but I constructed a drawing above detailing the net. Notice how the deaf guy just sits in the net and is still able to drink a beer. Hmmmmmm.....

On a more positive note- You will be happy to know that The Taco Truck had a great time in Atlanta. I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by my friends Lisa, Jessica, and Mark the whole time. If it wasn't for them, I would have gone crazy and been completely bored. The best part about the trip, besides being able to hang out with my friends, was that my company paid for everything. I took $160 out of the ATM before I left and I only spent $100. ($80 on alcohol and- like a chump - $20 on a room serviced hamburger and fries) My work paid for the flight, all my meals, and the hotel room for 4 nights. Now we are talkin!!!

Ok, the guilt was too overwhelming (plus they were way too big for tap handles)

TEEN'S STOLEN LEGS RETURNED

Monday, March 6, 2006; Posted: 6:43 p.m. EST (23:43 GMT)

ARCADIA, California (AP) -- A 16-year-old girl's prosthetic legs, which were stolen twice since November, have been quietly returned, police said.

Melissa Huff's mother found the legs in her unlocked car, which she had parked at Arcadia High School on Wednesday afternoon.

The Taco Truck is replenishing it's supply of tortillas.....

In preparation for a weekend filled with beer drinking, Ultimate Fighting Championships,beer drinking, The World Baseball Classic, beer drinking, and a trip to Georgia next week that will include some beer drinking, The Taco Truck will be taking some time off. In the meantime check out some cool and interesting blogs that I love to check out. Check you later.

The Exiled Midwesterner
The Brown Note
The function of unguent