Wednesday, February 01, 2006

A six pack of ice cold variety blog

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Lindsay Lohan Article on Yahoo....



Here's a clip from the article.....

Lindsay Lohan had reportedly just stepped out of the shower Friday afternoon, when she lost her grip on a teacup, which smashed to the ground. A shard of the broken cup connected with the actress' shin, leaving a gash that required 10 stitches to close. "She and her friends were preparing breakfast, with eggs and everything, and Lindsay was going up the stairs, carrying a ceramic teacup," Lohan's mother, Dina, told Star magazine.
The best part of this article is how her mother Dina adds "with eggs and everything". Ok asshole, we know that your daughter has money. You don't have to rub it in our faces. Some of us aren't fortunate enough to get "eggs and everything" with our breakfast. On the other hand, I can see how maybe she just wanted to let us know that Lindsay was eating again. Or maybe she wanted to make sure that we weren't all thinking "I bet Lindsay was preparing breakfast- on the little mirror by her dresser."


A STRAIGHT prejudice idot


I am feeling guilty today because yesterday afternoon I found myself a culprit of stereotyping and prejudice on BART. I was on my way home from work when a Middle-eastern guy got on the train and sat down in the seat in front of me. He had a suspicious red backpack and a serious look on his face. Right away I got uncomfortable and thought that this newspaper article on the SAG Awards was going to be the last article I ever read. I stared at him for a while and he eventually caught me staring at him. I was kinda glad that he caught me staring at him because I wanted to let him know that if he was going to try and do anything crazy that I was on to him. Finally after a couple of minutes of more intense staring from myself, his cell phone rang. I thought for sure this was going to be the call from his boss letting him know that it was time for him to do what he had to do. He pulled the cell phone out of his jacket, looked at the number, smiled, brought the phone to his ear and said "Hola?..Oh bien. Y tu? "....... He was totally Hispanic!!! Horale!!!! Everything was cool. I relaxed. Man, you would have to have been a family member or a friend of this guy to not think he was Middle-eastern. He looked at me while he was talking on the phone, so I smiled at him to confirm that everything was cool. The guy kind of furrowed his brow (which were really thick by the way), so I'm sure he thought my smile was my way of trying to hit on him. So I pulled out my "All about Beer" magazine that has this super hot girl on the cover holding a beer in her hand from my backpack to make sure he got the right idea about me. But it looked like he sort of laughed at me to himself while he was talking on the phone. He totally thought I was gay. How dare this guy judge me like that. What? A guy can't look at another guy and just smile, asshole?


Sunday, January 29, 2006

Do you hate me TIVO?



We got TIVO on Friday so I was pretty excited. I was finally able to get rid of the VCR and the one video tape I used to record a shitload of shows. But maybe I made a mistake?.....I was a little upset this morning when I went to watch a boxing fight that I told TIVO to record for me last night, and I found that it recorded “That’s so Raven” on the Disney Channel instead. Not only was I upset that I had no boxing to watch, but I took it as a slap in the face being a faithful Rudi Huxtable fan. TIVO, you may be a fan of little cute Olivia but I am not. If you have something to say to me TIVO, why don’t you say it to my face and not hide behind some advanced video recording technology.

http://static.flickr.com/28/97328605_a265df7748_m.jpg
Friday, January 27, 2006

Is my girlfriend bbqing behind my back?


So a couple of nights ago Cari came home from work and smelled like some damn good barbecue. If she worked at Tony Romas, Outback, or McDonald's during the McRib season, I would understand. But she works as a nanny. Kinda strange. I asked her if the family that she's nannying for barbecued that night and she said (in a mean, argumentative voice) "No. Why? What are you trying to say?" I wasn't trying to say anything really. I just smelled some damn good barbecue. But it got me thinking. If Cari is indeed barbecuing with someone else behind my back , would I be pissed? I wouldn't be pissed if A) she confesses and then from now on brings me home a plate or a rib or something. and B) if she promises not to compare my grill to this new grill. Our apartment is small and the balcony only has room for a small weber. It's not my fault my grill is small. I would get a bigger and better grill if we had more space....hmmmmm.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

I had to write a song about the Hamas taking over Israel...

After reading about how things in the Middle East aren't going as planned and how the Hamas won the election, I picked up my guitar and I began composing something that maybe will help us all understand. Now bare with me on this one...This song is still under construction and nothing is set in stone...except there will be a piano involved somehow and someone striking a triangle at the end. So here it is:

(What if a piano starts playing for a couple of measures and then like someone with a gentle sweet voice and their hair feathered starts to sing) :
There comes a time when we heed a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people dying
and its time to lend a hand
to life
There greatest gift of all

(He or she will pause for a couple of measures, put on a silver shiny glove, and then start up again):

We cant go on pretending day by day
That someone, somewhere will soon make a change
We are all a part of Gods great big family
And the truth, you know,Love is all we need

(And then like all my family and friends and as many people that we can get together will all join in and start belting out this chorus, swaying from side to side):

Chorus:
We are the world, we are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So lets start giving (Someone with a deep voice will take it over from here doing his best imitation of hmmmmmm..lets see...Bruce Springsteen maybe? I don't know. Like I said nothing is set in stone).
Theres a choice we're making
We're saving out own lives
its true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

(We all come in again and start singing the chorus, swaying from side to side, but this time, we all look at the person next to us and sing to them confirming to them that We truly are the world, and are the children):
Chorus:
We are the world, we are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So lets start giving
Theres a choice we're making
We're saving out own lives
its true we'll make a better day
Just you and me
(triangle) to end it.

I don't know. Maybe I'm being too ambitious with this song, but something about the words and the melody....Nevermind. I don't think it will work. I see some parts already that just don't feel right.


James Frey blew it for me.....!!!!!



Damn you James Frey. I was just about done writing my memoir on my caffiene addiction that I had a couple years ago, but because of you, I have to totally erase the chapter where I give a handjob for a mocha. Thanks man. You ruined it for all us exaggerators.

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