Thank you. Thank you...So,thank's for coming out tonight. Being that this is my first show and all, I thought I'd tell you a little bit about myself...First of all, My name is Jorge. Please don't call me George. For some reason, I get that alot. "Oh it's Jorge? I don't know why but for some reason you look more like a George." I love how people stereotype.
So yeah, I work at the new Merril Lynch financial advisory firm that just opened up on San Lorenzo Blvd. I'm the branch manager.... What? What's so funny?.....Oh I get it. Ok, Ok...you don't think that Merril Lynch's 4 star mutal fund advisory compares to that of Charles Schwabs.....ha-ha. Go on laugh it up...You're right. It doesn't compare.
Um..let's see here..What else about me?..Oh yeah, Im in a gang right now... I know what you are thinking-"What? A gang?" Don't worry. It's not as bad as you think- It's just something I do on the weekends. You know, something to get my mind off of my week at work.....I mean don't get me wrong. I would love to do it full time. But with the wife and kids. It's just too much. I was telling Lil' Teardrop the other day "You know what? Wouldn't it be nice if we could be in the gang everyday instead of just on the weekends? I mean it sucks that we have to miss all the drive-bys during the week. Sometimes I feel like Huggy Bear is planning those during the week on purpose. If you really think about it, they do all the fun stuff during the week and we are stuck here on the weekends counting all the money. "
Well, there's alot of interesting looking people in this place tonight. Especially you. What the heck are you doing with your hand? Is that a computer mouse in your hand? What the heck? Are you like trying to be Bill Gates or something? Why would you bring a mouse to a comedy club?.... Wait, say that again I couldn't hear you.....What do you mean- How's Martha? What the heck is that suppose to mean? Man, I hate it when people get like that. All defensive and what not...I was just trying to start up some conversation with the audience. No need to get bent out of shape and start insulting me.
It's like when Im hanging out with someone in the gang and I ask them where they are from? They always get all defensive and are like "East 14 street, ese. Why? You have a problem?" They start throwing signs with their fingers...I'm like Chill out!!! I'm just trying to start conversation. We have 10 minutes before Flaco comes out of the liquor store with all the money and Im just trying to pass the time. I'm telling you. Sometimes my gang can be really crabby and pissy.... Nevermind, I shouldn't be talking bad about them because, deep down inside I love everyone in the gang. Sure some of us have our moodswings and some of us get defensive at times..but it's a gang, you know. It's what comes with the territory.... Actually, one thing that does bother me about my gang is that they sometimes forget that I have a family. I have been out to dinner with the family and have had some of the guys come up to me all excited and be like "Jorge, we stabbed these guys in the bathroom, ese!!!" and I have to be like "Guy's...Hello?...I have the kids.." It doesn't bother me so much that my kids hear things that they probably shouldn't be hearing, but more that my gang knows very well that I can't do anything during the week, yet they still insist on rubbing it in my face.
That's it for me...You guys have been a great audience...I'll be at the bar later, please buy me a beer.
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